Open letter to Ashraf Ghani, President of Puppet Afghan Government
From: Mawlavi Abdul Hakim, Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan (infidels say "Taliban")
Date: 2021-01-06

Dear Mr Ghani.

I am sick to fucking death of you fucking clowns. I've spent the last FOUR MONTHS quibbling with you, blocked on the issue of "how to resolve blocks". For fuck's sake, give it up already! Learn to say "yes". We were very polite.

Anyway, I've got better things to do with my time. And quite frankly, even blowing up Afghan Muslim civilians is losing its buzz. I'm not exactly sure how the Americans convinced us to focus on killing Muslims and leaving them (infidels) alone, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Shits and giggles, so to speak.

But now I'd like to return to killing infidels. And since the infidels have almost completely vacated Afghanistan, where the fuck am I supposed to find someone to kill? And then I saw this in my inbox. Fucking FIJI is about to join forces with fucking ROMANIA to "liberate" Thailand and Australia. WTF? But then the idea hit me - this is an infidel vs infidel war. Why should the infidels have all the fun killing infidels? Why can't we have some? The Thais are mainly Buddhist (INFIDEL SCUM!) and the Australians are mainly Christian and atheist (DOUBLE INFIDEL SCUM!). So what I am proposing is that your puppet regime and the glorious Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan set aside our differences for now, and join with Fiji and Romania (and other forces) against Thailand and Australia. If you're in agreement with that, just reply to me with "seig heil", and I'll know exactly what you mean! Good luck comrade! Muslims of the world unite!