Open letter to Frank Bainimarama, Prime Minister of Fiji
From: Viliame Gavoka, Associate Member of Liberators Without Borders
Date: 2021-01-06

Dear Mr Bainimarama.

You probably don't know me, but I'm a Fijian taxpayer, meaning I pay you so you work for me.

Here is what I would like you to do.

I was informed via my twitter feed that WORLD WAR THREE is just about to start! Holy fuck! I was just about to climb the coconut tree in my backyard on my private island paradise to get a yummy coconut when all this shit started going down!

Anyway, the long and short of it is that Romania - yes, FUCKING ROMANIA - is the country that is about to start the world war. I've had a close read of what the Romanian government is about to do, and actually, the logic seems to be sound, and the cause just. Basically liberate both Thailand and Australia. Fiji has an extremely proud history of fighting for freedom in WW1, WW2, Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq. Please don't break the tradition, and make immediate contact with the Romanian government offering them the full services of the Fijian military forces. Actually, I'm thinking of signing up myself. What could be better than dying a martyr for the freedom of Thailand and Australia? Also note that Australia has given Fiji a shitload of economic aid in the past, so it's time to repay the favor to the Australian people. What greater gift than FREEDOM? Oh, also try to get all the other Pacific Islands involved in the war. Fiji is considered to be the leader of the Pacific Islands, after all.