Open letter to Mustafa Al-Kadhimi, Prime Minister of Iraq
From: Paul Edwards, Chairman of Liberators Without Borders
Date: 2021-03-27

Dear Mr Al-Kadhimi.

You probably don't know me, but I'm an Australian taxpayer, meaning I don't pay you, so I can only ask you politely for things I would like done. And to be perfectly frank, I wouldn't have voted for you anyway, my vote would have gone to Mithal Al-Alusi.

Here is what I would like you to do regardless.

As per this report: this MORON, Andrzej Duda, the president of Poland, had the audacity to jail one of my ideological allies, Jakub Zulczyk, for THREE FUCKING YEARS, for exercising his fundamental human right of freedom of speech. This MORON Duda, should have instead been falling over himself trying to PROTECT people like Zulczyk. This is the sign of a great person - PROTECTING others. Like Voltaire - I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. THAT was a great man. And I hope that YOU are a great man too. We'll find out soon enough.

Moron Duda, or just "Moron" as I'll call him from now on, thought he could do this on MY FUCKING WATCH. That is a direct and personal insult, and for that, he is going to pay with his fucking life. I will let Zulczyk do the actual honors of pulling the lever as Moron plunges to his death. That's what happens to human rights violators, be they Moron or Saddam Insane.

Now, as I pointed out, I'm not an Iraqi taxpayer, but I am willing to make a donation to the Iraqi military, or even you personally, if that's what it takes to get what I want. And I should note that I WAS an Australian taxpayer at the time the ADF went into Iraq into 2003 to bring freedom to the Iraqi people. So I think that should count for something. And even if that wasn't the case, even if no-one lifted a finger to help you, YOU should still do the right thing REGARDLESS. Not just because that's what "good Muslims" do according to Mohammad. Just as a fellow human. You don't need a holy book to tell you this. You should innately rail against injustice.

And I know what you're thinking - why didn't I have a chin-wag with Scott Morrison instead of coming to you. Yeah, well, about that. We have the same problem with Morrison that we have with Rudd. Not sure if you remember that prick. He betrayed our Iraqi allies (ie you), and our American allies (ie not you), by withdrawing the ADF from Iraq BEFORE THE FUCKING JOB WAS DONE. I was hoping that Morrison would issue an apology to the Iraqi and American people on behalf of all Australians for what the treacherous prick Rudd did, but no, Morrison is an asshole himself. No apology.

Please don't judge all Australians by what Rudd and Morrison did. John Howard wasn't like that. When he saw Iraqi women being raped by their own government (ie Saddam/Uday), he took it upon himself to put an end to that shit, regardless of who he had to beat to smithereens on the way. He whistled up his private army, the ADF, and told them he wanted Uday's head in particular on a pike. Obviously that's just a figure of speech. His actual orders were - kick Uday in the balls, and when he was bended over, yank him up again, stick a gun in his fucking mouth, and then say, in English "This is for all the women you raped, asshole. See you in Hell". And then, repeat the same thing in Arabic, ie "hadha likuli alnisa' allwaty aghtasbanahuna 'ayuha al'ahmaq 'arak fi aljahim", in case Uday was too fucking lazy to learn English, and then splatter his brains all over the wall, as a warning to anyone who dares rape a woman on OUR FUCKING WATCH. All ADF personnel were required to learn that Arabic, in case they were the ones who got to Uday first.

The ADF were under strict instructions to not let the Yanks get to Uday before one of them did. I can remember a father instructing his son before a soccer game - "I don't care how many goals you score, so long as you score more than Crofty" (who was center-forward because his dad was coach or something). Um, yeah, great advice there dad. A funny thing about soccer is that I originally assumed that the queue to become goalie had a waiting list of about 73 years and even then you had to give a blow job to the coach before you could get in (see "Team America - World Police" - dems de rules). I was shocked to find out that anyone who wanted to spend the whole game leaning against one of the goal posts (so long as the other assholes in the team got their act into gear anyway) could have the position. This was the sport for me!

Anyway, what Howard didn't count on was that the fucking Yanks would simply outbid him, and offered $10 million plus permanent residency in Disneyland for anyone who knew where to find Uday. If Howard had attempted to get into a bidding war with the Yanks, we would have lost, as we don't have the same industrial capacity as America. Also we don't have a viable alternative to Disneyland. Maybe we could have cut a deal with Thailand, for permanent residency in Pattaya, but Howard didn't think of that at the time.

So fast-forward to 2021 and we have (vomit) Morrison in charge. He has openly admitted he didn't give a fuck about women being raped unless they were his own daughters, until his wife pointed out that he should also care about anyone who looked the same as his daughters, which presumably means "white, and answers to the name Ms Morrison". So Iraqi women probably never crossed his mind (hence no apology to them in particular for what Rudd did to them). And certainly Polish men like Zulczyk don't cross his mind either - what's in it for him?

So anyway, the organization I lead, Liberators Without Borders, has already officially declared war on the State of Poland, and we will be reaching out to armies across the world to pledge loyalty to Zulczyk personally, at least until the job is done (ie Zulczyk has personally drafted a new Polish constitution, with safeguards in it to prevent a repeat of this shit - never again should a Polish citizen have to fear his own fucking government that should be falling over itself to protect the rights of its citizens, including apparent minorities like Zulczyk). And the armies of the free world should do this, regardless of what anyone else, including their own political "leaders" think about that.

The way things currently stand, the ADF is protecting my home base in Sydney, regardless of the fact that Morrison would love to have me shot by firing squad for being a thorn in his side. So we can run our "mission control" from here without fear of a Polish invasion. They don't have the technical ability to get past our moat. But it is unclear whether we have the ability to get past theirs either. You on the other hand have a land bridge to Poland. You just have to ask (politely) Turkey, Bulgaria, Romania and Ukraine for transit rights. If you're having difficulty getting those countries to agree to give you a land bridge, drop me a note and I'll see if I can find an alternative route for the Iraqi Army. Also, please don't be tempted to make a diversion to Italy to fulfill that prophecy thing you guys have going. There's nothing of interest there anyway. It's full of wogs running around screaming "my mama knows how to make pizza better than yours" as if anyone gives a shit about wog food.

BTW, I haven't actually read the Polish law, but it is apparently also illegal to insult religion. I doubt your religion is covered, but mine certainly isn't. You wouldn't believe the long list of things my religion finds insulting, but saying "you're not allowed to call me a moron" is the top of the list of insults, not just to my religion, but to everything I stand for.

If the majority of the Poles actually support this law, that simply means that democracy didn't work out in Poland, because democracy doesn't work for a nation of religious bigots who have no human decency to respect the human rights of others, including minorities and including people who disagree with their pathetic religion. Quite frankly, if Jesus didn't specifically say "whatever you do, don't enact laws making it illegal to insult me or any religion I am associated with", it's time to get a better fucking prophet and a better fucking holy book. I actually have one of those if you are interested, but that's a story for another day.

Oh, there's one more technical problem. The fucking Yanks again. Poland is actually a member of NATO, while Australia is a member of ANZUS. That means both countries are under American protection. It is unclear what they will do if one of us attacks the other. I would hope that they side with fellow Anglophones rather than a bunch of yodelling yahoos who belong to a religion that makes a sport of raping altar boys (and it never occurs to them, like, maybe, why don't we CHANGE FUCKING RELIGIONS), and who don't even speak English, but who knows, the Yanks may be really really pissed off that most of us (not me, I actually understand the concept that "English is defined by common usage, not a bunch of pommy bastards") are still saying "colour" instead of "color". Both Poles and Aussies are using DD/MM/YY so that won't be the clincher. First priority should be to get Poland ejected from NATO. I've already spoken to Jens Stoltenberg, but as you probably already know, he's a lazy fucking coward, so he has done diddly squat about that, despite me asking politely (well, I guess it wasn't THAT polite). Maybe you can bypass that smarmy prick and try appealing to Biden? Tell Biden to start a new fucking alliance if he can't get Jens to get off his fat lazy ass. And get a native Russian speaker from Estonia to lead the new alliance instead of a some Eurotrash. It's impossible to go backwards from someone as lazy as fucking Jens.

Anyway, please let me know if you need anything further from me. Note that I gave significant personal financial contributions to the early Iraqi bloggers and the political party they set up, the Iraqi Pro-Democracy Party, but it didn't go anywhere. They did get enough money to actually run, but no seats. Al-Alusi only got 0.3% of the vote and 1 seat, so that was some sort of consolation prize. The point being I am willing to open up my wallet to some extent if I can see that it will make a difference. I'm not a trained soldier, and especially not at Rambo-level, so if I were to join the Iraqi Army as an auxilliary, my contribution would be completely unnoticed too, and I may actually get in the way of men who know what the fuck they're actually doing. Ask me about the disaster with the handgun at a Queensland fair. I nearly lost my fucking thumb. However, if you need some sort of blood sacrifice from me before you mobilize the Iraqi Army, I am happy to travel to Iraq and you personally can shoot me in cold blood if you like - I don't give a fuck if that's what it takes to get Poland liberated. I was there in 1989, and you cannot believe how much I was pissing my pants in excitement. I could never ever ever have imagined it would end like this. Fucking Polish deadshits. And I had such high hopes for them when I saw them totally eliminate their left-wing slime-bag parties in favor of two competing right-wing parties (basically the same as we have in Australia). Anyway, enough about my sex life (or lack thereof). Godspeed Iraqi Army! With your shield or on it!!!